Shame = Acting Out

Why Shame Doesn’t Manufacture Recovery

Shame Is Often Unproductive

Way too often, people claim that shame, or confrontational interventions, can be a helpful situational tool in incentivizing lasting sobriety.

I absolutely cannot speak for everyone else’s experience and do not want to discount anything that has worked for others, but shame never did anything positive for me in regards to my recovery.

In my life, there are two ways that shame operates:

1. As a cautionary or preventative tool.

When shame is operating productively it works much like putting your hand on a hot stove top for the first time would, it reminds us (in advance) of things we should not do or it works to convince us to stop doing something bad that we are in the process of doing. Generally, this is not the way shame operated for me during my addictive cycle.

2. As a trigger

Generally, when I encountered shame in my addictive cycle it was almost always AFTER I had acted out. Usually, it made me feel worthless and beyond redemption. Sometimes it even convinced me that “nobody would ever understand” or that I had a “unique core deficiency” that meant I was never worthy of love.

Even more problematic, for some folks I know, shame acts as an accelerant during acting out. In other words, the added “juice” from the shame mixes with the acting out behavior or substance to create an even more potent dopamine reward.

Despite this, shame is often used by professionals and even in rehab and emergency care settings to “treat” addiction (and forms part of the basis for the Minnesota Model of recovery). I find this very troubling.

Here are three evidenced reasons I believe that shame is not a productive tool for recovery:

1. People in recovery have been found to be more generally prone to shame and depression — This means that treatment based on shame is likely to be les successful, as Meehan et al suggest,”…the belief that drug-addicted people need harsh confrontations in order to recover has permeated the self-help components of treatment including Alcoholics Anonymous and other organizations. Recovering clients often describe the ‘tough’ approaches of their sponsors and fellow 12-step members. The results of this study call into question this widespread treatment assumption. Drug-addicted clients are described in this study as fragile and vulnerable populations. They appear to be highly prone to guilt and shame, excessively burdened by irrational feelings of responsibility and fears of harming others, as well as often being deeply depressed….It is suggested that treatment that addresses and attempts to modify the pathogenic beliefs that give rise to this irrational guilt and sense of responsibility may be far more helpful than is treatment focused on confrontation of externalizations, denial, and the appearance of irresponsibility. Source: Meehan, W. O’Connor, L. E., Berry, J. W., Weiss, J., Morrison, A., & Acampora, A. (1996). Guilt, shame, and depression in clients in recovery from addiction. Journal of Psychoactive Drugs, 28(2), 125–134. http://doi.org/10.1080/02791072.1996.10524385)
2. Children who are shame-prone are more likely to engage in risky sex and other addictive behaviors as they grow into adulthood. This means that shame does not as researchers put it “put the brakes on” risky behaviors. It seems unlikely that treatment or “support” measures that utilize shame are likely to restrict risky or addictive behaviors. Source: Stuewig, J., Tangney, J. P., Kendall, S., Folk, J. B., Meyer, C. R., & Dearing, R. L. (2014). Children’s proneness to shame and guilt predict risky and illegal behaviors in young adulthood. Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 46(2), 217–227. http://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-014-0467-1
3. Because shame-proneness is a consistent marker in addictive behaviors, therapy and support emphasizing shame-reduction would be more successful. In other words, we should emphasize methods of shame-reduction instead of methods creating feelings of shame (that are likely to trigger acting-out behaviors). Source: Dearing, R. L., Stuewig, J., & Tangney, J. P. (2005). On the importance of distinguishing shame from guilt: Relations to problematic alcohol and drug use. Addictive Behaviors, 30(7), 1392–1404. http://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2005.02.00

You might respond that these studies all deal with different kinds of addiction which is true. But I have ONLY seen research in one direction on this question and the most comprehensive study I have seen on this subject suggests that shame is never productive and is probably mostly counter-productive.

I am a recovering addict (with seven years of sobriety) and the author of “Writing Your Own Best Story: Addiction & Living Hope”

Writing Your Own Best Story: Addiction + Living Hope

A shorter version of this article appears on my recovery blog www.writeyourbeststory.com.

Josh is a 100% reader-funded blogger and freelance writer. Please consider following him on Twitter, throwing a tip into his hat on Patreon, or adding his blog OnPirateSatellite to your feeds.